The best way issues have been going recently, I wager I am not the one individual wh— if requested what theme music they’d select for themselves have been private theme music a theme — would reply with “Do not No one Convey Me No Dangerous Information.” This tune, sung by wicked-witch character Evillene within the musical “The Wiz” ought to dang-near be a nationwide anthem in our “new regular.”

Inform you what: How about we take a break from all of the dangerous/tragic/worrying information by gathering up some headlines that do not match into these classes and proceed that outdated function by a former fellow columnist:

ALL THE NEWS THAT’S FIT TO RAZZ

Automotive costs and automotive funds have soared to “a file stage,” in keeping with a current NBC report that exposed that some automotive patrons are paying a grand a month — “rivaling the fee to place a roof over your head.”

So in different phrases, automobiles want to begin appreciating in worth. And automotive salespeople must be known as rolling-real-estate brokers.

A 68-year-old Spanish TV actress, Ana Obregón, has induced controversy by utilizing sperm samples from her late son to get a surrogate mom pregnant. The surrogate gave start to a child lady, making Obregón a grandmother, in keeping with a cnn.com story titled “Mom and grandmother to the identical child: Spanish actress sparks surrogacy debate.” Surrogacy is unlawful in Spain however the child was born in Miami and may have a U.S. passport. “The actress says she has paperwork proving that she is legally acknowledged because the child’s mom in america, and adopting a baby born overseas is authorized in Spain,” in keeping with the story.

Oooookaaaaay. Since Obregón would be the kid’s mom/grandmother mixture, does this imply she’ll be laborious on the kid and spoil her on the similar time?

A sick man not too long ago came upon that the one who gave him his new kidney was … his daughter. “Delayne Ivanowski of Kirkwood, Mo., … donated her kidney to her dad John Ivanowski, who informed his daughter for months that he didn’t need her to be his donor,” in keeping with an ABC Information story. The story quoted the dad, John Ivanowski: “I informed her, ‘I am not taking your kidney,’ I informed her that flat out.” So Delayne saved her donation a secret till it was too late for Dad to demand she take it again.

Now children, please do not go disobeying your dad and mom and, when caught, say, “however that woman in Missouri did not do what her dad stated and look how that turned out.”

Singer Lizzo has a cameo in an episode of the Star Wars-y collection “The Mandalorian” as a noblewoman, a duchess, who takes to Child Yoda, aka Grogu. The “Duchess of the Outer Rim planet Plazir-15” and Child Yoda get shut quick when he involves her planet on a go to.

I do not suppose she informed him that he wanted to do a hair toss. Verify his nails. Kick off his footwear. Take a deep breath and give attention to himself. Get out and get unfastened and blame it on the Goose and blame it on his juice … OK, I will stop.

So not solely do we now have artificial-intelligence bots to speak with, we’re now being provided gizmos to assist us chat with the bots. “For these of us who’re not sure how greatest to speak with the brand new technology of AI-powered apps, you should buy queries or inputs that successfully bridge the hole,” in keeping with a CBS Information story that provides, “On-line market PromptBase lets customers of so-called generative textual content and picture instruments … purchase and promote ‘prompts’ which are are aimed toward getting AI to carry out a extremely particular job, akin to enhancing one’s writing by correcting grammatical errors or writing catchy tune lyrics.”

Oh good grief. Look, we have seen the exhibits and flicks. Simply lower these “middlemen,” lower to the chase, and provides us Johnny 5 from the film “Brief Circuit”; “Star Trek’s” Information; “Star Wars”‘ R2D2 and C-3PO; Sonny from “I, Robotic.” (We’ll cross on Terminators, Yul Brynner’s “Westworld” gunslinger and any dangerous, lit-up-red “I, Robotic.”)

A current headline was all a few calf who, apparently saying to itself, “Neglect this,” escaped a Brooklyn slaughterhouse and was chased by the town streets earlier than lastly being rounded up … and spared, being despatched to a New Jersey sanctuary. And a current on-line video exhibits drivers slowing down for, and respectfully following behind, a younger moose wandering a Massachusetts roadway.

Ah. We must always take some cues from the animal kingdom. Extra of us must take a stand, flee from the slaughterhouses of mediocrity, aimless existences and, properly, herd mentalities … fling off the chains of inferiority complex-ism and people-pleasing, strut our stuff and command some respect doing it! (However, now, should you get eaten or run over anyway, you did not learn this … )

Um, it seems an Australian firm determined to make a “mammoth”-sized meatball constituted of “lab-grown cultured meat utilizing the genetic sequence from the long-extinct” … woolly mammoth, in keeping with Huffpost.com’s Bizarre Information archive. Vow — the considerably ironic title of the startup firm from Down Beneath — wished to fire up public debate about cultivated meat, constituted of animal cells and negating the necessity for any animal to die to feed us.

What’s extra prone to be stirred up by simply the considered a woolly mammoth meatball: the will to surrender meals, interval.

“See?” that calf from Brooklyn will say. “You do not want me!”

E-mail: hwilliams@adgnewsroom.com